Airport folliesMonkeys require special screening, says TSA
Our hairy cousins sometimes work as service animals; checking them for bombs and weapons a concern; diaper removal just part of the job for the modern day screener
“Did you know they have special rules for monkeys?” So asks security guru Bruce Schneier, responding to questions from a reporter about the airport security regulations he calls “security theater.” Indeed, they do. Why? Because certain specially trained apes are classified as service animals for the handicapped. As a special service for our monkey readers, here are the relevant exerpts:
BULLETS
* Since monkeys may likely draw attention, the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on. Only the handler will touch or interact with the monkey.
* TSOs will conduct a visual inspection on the monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.
* The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection.
END BULLETS
If this fails, we suggest they put the monkey in front of the Z Backscatter machines. But just make sure that the faces and genitals are blurred out. Monkeys, everyone knows, are extremely private animals.
-read more in Joe Sharkey’s New York Times report
