Why Do We Believe Compulsive Liars? What Makes Them Tick?
“A politician might tell a lie because they are trying to avoid getting into hot water or they are trying to portray a version of themselves to the public that is more palatable than the actual version,” Dudley says.
Compulsive liars may lie about educational achievements or non-existent military service.
They may even make up tragedies, such as the loss of a family member or a fatal disease. “This could lead to the person receiving sympathy or attention, which feels good,” Dudley says.
“There can also be this sort of intrinsic reward, this sort of automatic reinforcement that can happen when the person who is telling the lie gains a sense of control over the situation or boosts their own self-esteem,” Dudley says.
A hilarious and fictional example of this occurred in a season two episode of the popular TV show “Ghosts,” when innkeeper Sam lies about finding a publisher for a biography of one of her spectral friends, Isaac.
At first she’s trying to avoid disappointing Isaac, but then is delighted—to the chagrin of her husband, Jay—to see congratulatory messages popping up on Facebook.
Eventually, Sam is caught in her lie and comes clean.
“If you’re someone who lied, and got caught in a lie, you might experience shame. Your own learning history leads you to not engage in that behavior anymore,” Dudley says.
Lack of Rrepercussions
But a lack of negative repercussions, along with the potential attainment of rewards, can contribute to a pattern of behavior, she says.
“It can get to the point where it’s compulsive, where it’s pathological,” Dudley says.
The American Psychological Association describes pathological lying as a continuous pattern of not telling the truth that can be related to a personality disorder.
“In some cases, the reward for lying is just too great. Or the urge to avoid a hefty punishment is just too great,” Dudley says.
For Holmes and Santos, the rewards were plentiful.
In 2014, Forbesmagazine named Holmes the world’s youngest self-made woman billionaire.
Even as federal officials say Santos lined his pockets with campaign contributions and unlawfully applied for unemployment, the Republican congressman labels the charges a “witch hunt.”
Why Do We Rage at Them?
When the truth comes out, the rage directed at the liar can be great.
“How we respond when we learn someone has not told the truth can elicit some pretty strong emotions. We might feel really angry or betrayed,” Dudley says.
In the Holmes case, Dudley says she was struck by the intensity of the reporting on Homes’ sentencing for more than eleven years and the start of her prison time.
“It seemed like everyone wanted to report on or see her going into jail. Everyone wanted to see the minutiae of the punishment that she was receiving for what she did,” Dudley says.
It’s indicative of how, collectively, “we want justice and retribution for people who have lied,” she says.
Compassion and Trust
Dudley says feeling some compassion for people who feel they won’t be accepted for their true selves can help blunt rageful reactions.
“It’s really sad,” she says.
If someone turns out to be a chronic liar, Dudley recommends keeping one’s distance from that person.
But don’t overreact by becoming cynical and second guessing everyone’s stories and motivations, she suggests.
“It seems putting our trust in other people is a better way to live than to be constantly questioning whether someone’s telling the truth.”
Cynthia McCormick Hibbert is a Northeastern Global News reporter. The article was originally published on the Northeastern Global News website.
