String theory explains Santa Claus

recommends a point system for naughty children. Santa has been receiving more and more mail every year, and for him to also send a “report card” could create a big postal problem, she points out.

Nils Lid Hjort suggests that the bureaucracy can be cut back if every family reports on children’s behavior direct to the local authorities.

Santa sees you

Another question is how Santa Claus knows how nice children are. Gaute Einevoll suggests that children’s winter caps can measure brain activity in order to read the infinitesimal magnetic fields that are generated by their thoughts. This information is then forwarded to Rudolf’s antlers, which of course act as an advanced antenna system.

Ane Ohrvik points out that many Americans believe that Rudolf’s red nose is a very advanced navigation system and everyone knows the saying “Santa Claus sees you” — something some interpret to mean that Santa Claus has psychic abilities.

In Nils Lid Hjort’s opinion, it suggests co-operation between Santa Claus and the defunct East German secret police: STASI.

“The STASI archives are still secret, and this is a clear indication that information about nice and naught children is there,” believes Hjort, who does not rule out co-operation with local security services, which often have the latest information on whether a child is naughty or nice.

Flying Reindeer

Another apparent impossibility with Santa Claus are his reindeer, who do not just plod along. Nils Lid Hjort does not find it so strange that there are flying reindeer.

“You find flying creatures everywhere, and dinosaurs are a good example, but now they have developed feathers and are birds. Therefore it is no great paradox that we have flying reindeer,” he believes.

Gaute Einevoll, who works with physics in organic systems, points out that it is a bit odd that reindeer do not have wings. Ødegaard, though, has elegantly solved the problem: “Santa Claus of course uses vacuum energy. The sleigh and reindeer use repulsive energy to compensate for the force of gravity and therefore can fly.”

With that, the conversation turns to a discussion whether Santa has chosen the North Pole because of its social, religious, and political neutrality; multiple universes with a Santa in each; and so on.

Papa with a fake beard?

There are quite a few flippant and speculative assertions about Santa Claus. The most ridiculous of these is that Santa Claus is just papa who has dressed up in the garage:

“This is the worst I have heard,” says Nils Lid Hjort.

He is a professor and knows what he is talking about.

Although Hjort admits that a visit from Santa Claus often happens while papa is out shoveling snow, there are many examples in which both Santa and papa are in the same place at the same time, which weakens the argument that there is some connection between the two.

“I want to comment on the alternative situations: Of course you can find many trivial and sometimes fake Santas out there. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t find some real Santas,” says Einevoll, who adds:

“If I lived alone at the North Pole and were to visit children and their mothers, I would want to do it when their father was out, he says, and suggests that this is the source for the socially realistic popular song ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’.”

All together the panel agrees without doubt that Santa Claus not only makes use of advanced physics, but he is also a brilliant organizer.

“Santa lives at the North Pole and there isn’t so much happening aside from the occasional polar explorer. So he can use the whole year for self improvement,” points out Gaute Einevoll.

Therefore, all children of all ages can relax: The laws of physics assure us that Christmas will come this year as usual!